In which my snarky comeback-o-meter utterly fails me. In three acts.
I. At the driver’s license office:
Good ol’boy driver’s license official looking person (GOB) – speaking extremely slowly, like I have a hearing problem – Do you speak English?
Me: Yes. (Huh?)
GOB: Are you a citizen of the United States?
Me: No. (I’ve never been asked this before at a driver’s license place. Uh-oh, this could get interesting)
GOB: Why do you need a driver’s license?
Me: My old one’s about to expire, and since I live in PA now, I figured I should get a PA driver’s license.
GOB: Well, you need (proceeds to name a bajillion documents to prove my lawful existence on Earth).
Me: Here. (Thank you internet! I’m not going to schlep all the way out here again because you need a copy of my I-94 or some such nonsense)
GOB: I see you moved from Texas. I have to tell you that we turn down applications of a lot of people from Texas because we here, we follow the rules!
Me: <blink, blink> (Bite your tongue, Jet. You need your driver’s license. You don’t want to schlep all the way out here again because of the snark)
GOB: Those people just give out driver’s licenses to whoever wants one. No matter that they don’t have any documentation. They just let anyone into that state! Steal all the jobs. Don’t even know how to drive well. All the driver’s license offices are supposed to be following the same rules, but I guess they don’t do that in Texas.
Me: Uhhmmm…I don’t think that’s a fair assumption. (What a jerk. Bite your tongue. Now! He’s handing you the form. Suppress the snarky comeback)
II. At the corner of State and 10th:
Young Dude (YD) – couldn’t have been more than 20 – What nationality are you? Korean?
Me: Nope, Chinese.
YD: Are there a lot of you around here?
Me: I don’t know. I just moved here from Houston.
YD: That must be a change. All them cowboys. Why would you want to move here? The winter’s are cold!
Me: No kidding!
YD: The last 2 winters haven’t been too bad though. I spent them in jail.
Me: Oh.
III. At lunch today:
A couple of days ago, a co-worker and I had gone to a diabetes educational forum that was open to the public. He (the co-worker) is quite fond of the freebies that often get distrubuted at forums like these. Usually the freebies are samples, pens, notepads and the like from drug companies or medical equipment companies. Today at lunch, he finally starts sorting through his freebie stack.
Co-worker: Oh look, a calendar. How useful.
Me – looking over his shoulder – Uhmmm… (this is what I saw. WARNING!)
Co-worker: OMG! (shreiking and screaming commence)
Me: That is so awesome. Think of how many people have that useful gift hanging on their walls now.
Co-worker: I can’t even look at it!
Me: Oohhh, look at March! One of my favorite movies! (the calendar has all these scenes from famous movies with our title character Mr. P inserted – Ha! I am nine!)
Co-worker: So distasteful! I’m going to write that company a letter!
Me: Oooh, they even have the classics!
Guess who has a new calendar hanging on their office wall?
In other news, knitting proceeds on Sesame. The sleeves and body are done - only the collar and buttonband to go. So far, it fits! Yay! Course, this prolly means I just jinxed myself. Please pardon the unglamorous blocking picture.
Question to knitters out there – do you usually block before you seam? Or seam then block?
Lastly, thanks to everyone for weighing in on the car buying. I should have news on that front soon.
April 2, 2007 at 5:50 pm
You tell the best stories!!! OMG!! What is wrong with those people??? I can’t believe that you were asked if you could speak English. Again, I really think that this is yet another sign that you belong back in Texas.
BTW – love the calendar. You should bring it the next time you are in Houston so Amy, Susan and I can do our Beavis giggle and say “hee hee….penis….”
April 2, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Funny conversations! Loved them. (The calendar is really funky too!).
I worked in Japan for a long time and I always had people telling me “Oh, I hear it’s going back to China soon” (this was 1996-7) or “Chinese is a really hard language.” People are so ignorant sometimes, aren’t they.
April 2, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Ha! Love the calendar.
Sesame is looking good–I usually block the pieces and then seam them together. It makes things a little easier to line up, anyway.
April 3, 2007 at 5:20 am
I can’t believe that calendar actually comes from a medical systems company!
YD gave you some good advice there. If the winters in PA ever get too bad for you, just go ahead and commit a felony. Apparently winters in jail aren’t so bad.
Regarding blocking: I steam-block the pieces to measurements, seam them, then wet-block the whole thing.
April 3, 2007 at 8:58 pm
*hee hee* penis! *hee hee*
Chalk it up to redneck stupidity (and yes, there are rednecks *everywhere* in the US). I’ve been asked in similar situations if I speak English – which had me scratching my head, going “are they asking everybody?”
And the slow-talking thing…it’s like they think that reduced speed is the Universal Translator.
April 3, 2007 at 9:25 pm
*snicker* I am twelve.
I’ve never steam blocked anything… ButI have wet blocked individual pieces and then seamed them together. I think it makes everything fits nicely.