Incident: Assualt with a bathroom fixture
Reporting Person: Moi
Date of Report: 17 December 2006
At about 1040 hours on 17th December 2006, I entered bathroom to take shower. Said shower was working fine as of yesterday 16th Dec. 2006. As I reached over to turn on shower, shower head suddenly and without provocation came loose and hit me on the side of my head. I then went on a tirade about how shower head was a stupid piece of *expletive deleted*. This went on for several minutes. Tears may have been shed, but there is no evidence at this time. Swelling and tenderness was noted on the right temporal aspect of head, and ice was immediately applied.
Cursory inspection of shower head showed break in the material integrity of nozzle attaching shower head to metal plumbing fixture. The shower head is a Teledyne Water Pik with 8 settings. No distinguishing marks. Attached herewith are photographs of the accused assaulter, and his accomplices.
This is a sworn statement.
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December 19, 2006 at 3:06 pm
Um, ow. One might think that forces were conspiring against you to make you stay in Houston…
December 19, 2006 at 8:09 pm
It has been implicitly implied that I, as a former associate of the accused, may be complicit in this crime. I catagorically deny the charges and furthermore deny any association, current or previous, with the accused. All further comments and charges should be directed to my attournies at the lawfirm Schiester, Keister, & Schiester.
December 20, 2006 at 12:30 am
Ouch! Um, what frozen delight are you applying to the wound?
December 20, 2006 at 3:04 am
Yeouch! Hopefully all is better now and you’re given the shower head a stern talking to and forbidden it any further participation in the “Attacking for Recreation 101″ line of classes.